Genkai and the Magic Orb
by x se
Summary: AU Genkai is looking for a man, Genbu is a talking rock and one of the Four Molesting Monsters, Yukina is a princess and Togoru is in love. A Wacky One Shot Fairy Tale


_Genkai and the Magic Orb_

_Disclaimer: Don't own Yu Yu Hakusho_

In a magical land, in a place far, far away, there was an elderly woman named Genkai. Genkai was very beautiful for someone of her age, and this was because on the necklace she wore every day was a mystical orb that made her look like a teenager instead of a wrinkly old hag. Genkai wanted very much to be loved, but alas, she was rude and loud, and even the most desperate of men would steer clear of her. Not even the beautiful orb on her necklace that made her look fifty years younger could help.

Genkai had two great loves. Young men, and tapioca. Every week she would go to the tapioca factory and get enough to supply her for a month. She did this because she would get enough for her and a man to share, and end up eating it all herself.

On one of Genkai's walks to the tapioca factory, she was attacked by a talking rock that somehow jumped in front of her.

"I am Genbu, weakest of the Four Molesting Monsters!" yelled the rock.

"Oh." Genkai Ruth kicked Genbu into the lake and continued on her way. Eventually, she passed the yarn shop run by Princess Yukina, a beautiful young maiden who was kind and loved animals, birds especially. Genkai stepped inside to purchase some yarn.

"Hello Miss Genkai," said Princess Yukina kindly, and Genkai nodded.

"I'll take some yarn." replied Genkai gruffly. Princess Yukina nodded and handed Genkai some yarn in a paper bag. Genkai was about to hand Princess Yukina the money, when the young princess stopped her.

"Free of charge," explained Princess Yukina, and she smiled kindly. Genkai shrugged and walked out of the yarn shop. She was about to continue her journey to the tapioca factory, a talking cat leapt before her.

"Meow! I am Byako, the most handsome of the Four Molesting Monsters! Fear m-." the talking cat froze as Genkai pulled a ball of yarn out of the paper bag that Princess Yukina had given her earlier. Genkai tossed the ball of yarn into the forest and Byako ran after it.

Finally, Genkai could see the tapioca factory in the distance. She grinned to herself and mentally developed a plan to trick the salesmen into giving her free tapioca. It worked often. However, before she could pass the gates to the large factory, a sickly looking man with green skin walked in front of her. On his back was a fairly large bucket, filled with ice cubes.

"I am Seiryu, smartest of the Four Molesting Monsters!" exclaimed the strange man. Genkai didn't seem phased by this proclamation, and reached into her purse. Seiryu's eyes widened in terror when Genkai pulled out a lighter and tossed it into the bucket on his back.

"Wow. Ice water," said Genkai dully as she stared at Seiryu. The man's eyes began to water faster than the melting ice in his bucket.

"You meanie!" accused Seiryu as he ran away, his body shaking with uncontrolled sobs. "All I wanted to do was molest you! You didn't have to be so mean about it!"

Finally, after being attacked by three crazy people, though technically only one was actually human, Genkai had reached the tapioca factory. She went inside and saw a salesclerk talking to his boss.

"Koenma, sir, please, can I have a vacation?" pleaded the man pathetically.

"No George," replied the man's boss, Koenma, dully.

"I knew I should have listened to mother and gotten that job at the taco stand…" muttered the man under his breath. He turned to Genkai. "Oh, I have your order ready miss."

"Good. Put it on my tab," Genkai took the bag of tapioca and left the factory. George waved at her, until his boss hit him on the head.

"You idiot, she doesn't have a tab!" exclaimed Koenma angrily.

Meanwhile, back outside, Genkai was on her way home. However, she had just passed the gates and where Seiryu had appeared, when a yellow man with two red horns, wearing a pink shirt and white pants, appeared before her.

"I am Suzaku, the prettiest and toughest of the Four Molesting Monsters!" yelled the man in a slightly girlish voice. "I am, like, gonna so totally molest you!"

Genkai moved back, to protect herself, the yarn, and the tapioca. Just then, a man in a gray trench coat and black pants ran between her and Suzaku.

"My name is Togoru!" exclaimed the newcomer. "I am here to protect this lovely maiden of beauty!"

"No way! She's mine!" snapped Suzaku, crossing his arms.

"I'll never let her fall into _your_ hands!" retorted Togoru, crossing his muscular arms. "I shall defeat you, and ask the beautiful maiden to accompany me to the market afterwards!"

Genkai clutched her hands to her cheeks and blushed. Oh this hero was so handsome and so… Heroic.

"No way!" yelled Suzaku. He pulled out a stun-gun from his pocket. "Take this! You can't beat me now!"

"Humph." Togoru crossed his arms once more and walked directly in front of Genkai. "Nothing you do will defeat my love for this maiden."

"That's… So… Beautiful!" sobbed Suzaku dramatically. "I could n-never separate you two… I know! I'll gather up the gang and we can go molest Princess Yukina instead!"

Suzaku ran off to find Genbu the talking rock, Byako the talking cat, and Seiryu the ice cube salesman. Genkai turned to Togoru.

"Oh beautiful maiden, what is your name?" asked Togoru kindly.

"Genkai," replied Genkai, smiling happily.

"What a beautiful name…" murmured Togoru.

A year had passed since Genkai was saved by Togoru. Today, they were to meet at the coffee shop. Genkai sat at a table, waiting for Togoru and reading the newspaper. Genkai loved reading the newspaper, so she could laugh at the cheesy comics and read about the world and how messed up it was.

"Ma'am, what would you like?" asked the waiter, a man by the name of Chu.

"I would like a coffee please," said Genkai plainly, wanting to read her paper.

"Ma'am, what _kind_ of coffee do you want?" pressed Chu.

"Do I look like I care?" snapped Genkai. Chu scowled and walked back to where the coffee was prepared, muttering something under his breath along the lines of: "Stupid teenage brats…"

"Moron…" muttered Genkai as she glanced at the top story. Her eyes widened and she grinned. "The Four Molesting Monsters were arrested yesterday, after being found in a pile with several cuts and burn marks. In other news, Princess Yukina got married…"

"Something funny, sweetie?" asked Togoru sweetly, sitting across from Genkai.

"No, just reading…" replied Genkai with a sigh. "Princess Yukina got married. I have always longed to be wed to someone…"

Togoru heard the need, the want behind that plea, and knew what had to be done for Genkai. He knew then what he had to do. Giving Genkai a farewell, Togoru headed to his home. It was time.

Once inside his house, Togoru frantically looked around for what he was searching for.

"Pete!" called Togoru breathlessly. "Oh where are you Pete?"

Togoru smiled when he saw his most prized possession. A blue, polka dotted porcelain donkey, which also happened to be his "piggy bank". He stared at the donkey fondly. Was love really worth it? Togoru looked to his closet. Inside was a pile of gum in the image of Genkai, a jar of her hair and toenail clippings, and thousands of pictures of her.

"Forgive me Pete…" whispered Togoru as he pulled out a mallet. "Forgive me!"

Togoru smashed Pete the porcelain donkey into a million pieces, and among the remains were coins and bills. Gathering them up, Togoru wiped his tears and ran for the jewelry store. He bought the most perfect engagement ring he had ever seen in his life, and then called up Genkai.

Genkai was in a red dress. Togoru had told her to meet her at the restaurant nearby Princess Yukina's yarn shop. She wondered why.

"Oh, Hiei!" exclaimed Princess Yukina. Genkai turned in her seat to see Princess Yukina tackle her twin brother, Prince Hiei, in a hug. "Thank you so much! This is the best gift I have ever received!"

"Hn…" replied the embarrassed prince, crossing his arms and looking away.

"Hello my love, have you been waiting long?" asked Togoru as he sat down across from Genkai.

"Oh no dear, not at all…" replied Genkai, her tone layered with false sweetness that Togoru completely and utterly missed.

"Genkai my beloved, will you marry me?" asked Togoru as he got down on one knee.

"Oh yes Togoru, yes I will!" exclaimed Genkai, hugging Togoru close to her. "But Togoru… There's something I need to tell you…"

"What is it?" asked Togoru. He looked into Genkai's eyes, and looked over the rest of her. "My dear, that necklace does not match. Perhaps you should take it off…?"

"Togoru, I'm **old**!" proclaimed Genkai, ripping off the necklace and showing her true, old, and wrinkled form.

"Genkai, my love, there is something I must tell you as well…" Togoru removed a bracelet Genkai had never noticed before. Togoru's skin became somewhat blue and wrinkled. Genkai's jaw dropped. "I too, am not what I seem. But my love for you is real. Will you still marry me?"

"No. You're ugly," and with that, Genkai walked away to go find a good looking young man instead of an old nasty one like Togoru.

Togoru fell to the ground and cried. Across the room, Princess Yukina innocently pointed at him.

"Boy, is that guy ugly."

Togoru ran off into the storm outside the restaurant, and was never seen again.

_**The End**_


End file.
